Strong relationships grow from small daily interactions. Recognizing and responding to bids strengthens trust, engagement, and leadership.

This is the second in a series of articles about ceremonial speaking. You can read the first article here .  I’m often approached by individuals who’ve been asked to speak at a special occasion. They want to deliver a memorable message; however, they usually tell me that they are not sure what direction to take. Through these conversations I’ve learned that good examples of ceremonial occasion remarks are difficult to find: movies are full of cliches and most of us haven’t be

Two seeds were buried side by side in a field. The seeds—Amara and Brio—lay dormant, dreaming of the sky. One day, a gentle rain whispered promises of growth. Amara felt the call of the world above and thought, “It may be time to sprout. But what if the sun is too harsh, or the rain too scarce? What if I emerge too soon?” Fearful, Amara decided to wait. Beside Amara, Brio also heard the rain’s song. Excited, Brio thought, “What wonders await above! Yes, there might be storms

An agreement is communication that establishes expectations between two or more parties. Most agreements share foundational principles...

As leaders we want individuals on our teams to succeed and as parents we want our children to succeed. When Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, was asked about the similarities between leadership and parenting, he suggested tough love is a critical skill in both contexts. I’ve recreated Grant’s “Tough Love Matrix of Leadership and Parenting” below. Tough love combines two essential elements: caring deeply and setting high expectations

After I graduated from college and settled into professional life, I realized that making friends as an adult wasn’t as easy as making friends as a student. I wanted to expand my social circle, but I wasn’t sure how. Around the same time, I learned about Robert Cialdini’s research on reciprocity in his now classic book Influence . His research found that when someone gives first, they create an obligation in others to reciprocate with a similar behavior, gift, or service. Tha

Just over a year ago, a former student reached out to me for some advice about a workplace relationship that was causing her stress. I recall Samantha (not her real name) being an excellent student and highly respected by her peers and the faculty. After graduating about three years ago, she went to work for a financial services organization where was quickly promoted and has earned consistent praise from her managers for her strong analytical ability and excellent client man

I learned to be a manager while I was learning to be a teacher. After graduating from university, I had a job that involved managing others. And, at the same time, I began teaching part-time as an adjunct professor. During this time I observed many parallels between the two professions. In the classroom, I learned that if I clearly communicated my expectations to students, gave them the resources they needed, and checked in with them along the way, most of them would enjoy my

How to apply ideas from "How to Win Friends and Influence People" at networking events.

When I was young, I learned that when we were planning for guests to visit, we needed to clean the house. I had to tidy my stuffed animals and put my Legos away. The living room needed vacuuming and the countertops needed to be clear. That’s how I understood hospitality at the time. A little later, I began to notice another version of hospitality when we visited my grandparents. My grandmother was usually in the kitchen, preparing food. She focused on what she was making, how

Imagine two professionals on the same team. Both are smart. Both care about doing good work. The first is highly competent. Their work is accurate, efficient, and technically strong. They meet expectations consistently, but spend little time building relationships beyond what is required to get tasks done. The second is also competent. Not exceptional at everything, but solid and reliable. In addition to doing the work, this individual invests time in relationships. They prio

When I was in college, I watched the TV series The West Wing . Characters would get into intense, sometimes heated disagreements about high-stakes issues. Voices were raised. They’d argue over fundamental principles. And then, often in the very next scene, those same people would work together civilly, almost as if nothing relational had been damaged. At the time, I was skeptical. I wondered whether that kind of behavior actually happened in real workplaces, or whether it was

Every semester, when course evaluations are released, I feel a mix of anticipation and curiosity. I genuinely enjoy reading them. It is meaningful to see how students describe their experience and what they took away from the course. Those comments remind me why I am an educator. And then something predictable happens. I can read 20 positive comments and feel encouraged by them. But one critical comment will often stick with me far longer than the rest. For a long time, I tho

Open and honest questions create space for people to think, feel, and make sense of their own experience. I learned the value of this approach at home before I ever applied it in a professional setting. For many years, when my wife started to describe a problem, my instinct was to solve it. My attention focused on diagnosing the issue and responding with suggestions, based on the belief that helping meant offering answers. Over time, I realized that much of the time my wife w

Earlier in my career, I worked with someone who responded to feedback with silence. After I finished sharing my thoughts, there was no visible reaction. No nod. No follow-up question. No verbal acknowledgment. We would simply move on. Over time, I noticed how my mind began assigning meaning to that silence. I had a judgment: This feedback clearly is not valued. I formed an opinion: This person probably does not want coaching at all. I even thoughts to myself: Do you want this

Leadership is enacted through communication. When it comes to speaking, leaders have many opportunities to influence others from high-stakes strategy presentations to ceremonial remarks at internal functions and public events. Authentic leaders convince audiences to care and are better able to accomplish their goals. Boardroom presentations matter, but they only account for a small portion of a leader’s communication. Informal interactions during small meetings and ceremonial

While I was completing my MBA, I was also working for someone who taught me an important lesson about leadership and communication. During the orientation process, my supervisor reviewed with me a prepared list of her expectations. One of the categories she reviewed was communication. She shared how she liked to work with her employees, how often we would have one-on-one meetings, and how to decide whether a topic required face-to-face communication, a phone call, or an email

Think of an interaction that has gone well for both you and the person you were communicating with. Now think of an interaction that didn’t go as well as you would have liked. In the first interaction, you were likely communicating from above the line. In the second, you were likely communicating from below the line. When we communicate from above the line, we are open to new ideas, we ask questions, and we are committed to growth and learning. Conversely, when we communicate

Think about someone you’ve met and admired but you have lost touch with. You may have shared a common interest with the person, they may have been there for you during an important moment, or you may have only had a brief conversation with them, but that conversation impacted you in a special way. These are often people we want to maintain relationships with, but for a variety of reasons we don’t. The good news is that it only takes a little effort on our part to reconnect. T

My work provides me the opportunity to interact with a large number of highly motivated people who are eager to put their skills to use. Most are excellent individual contributors, but when it comes to managing others many of them struggle to know how to delegate. The will/skill matrix is a helpful framework when leading a team or managing others. The two dimensions of “will” and “skill” can help you understand which tasks are appropriate for delegation. “Will” speaks to an i