Some thoughts arrive unexpectedly. Others return again and again. You revisit the mistake you made. You rethink the conversation that did not sit right with you. You imagine everything that could go wrong tomorrow. The thoughts may begin automatically, but the longer they stay, the more of your attention and energy they consume. Over time, preparing what I think of as a redirection thought has helped me. If you find yourself dwelling on a specific thought repeatedly, you can

Early in my career, I worked in a department where the office manager kept track of our vacation time. Every month, she’d send out a...

From the sidelines of a weekend soccer game, you can often hear the “joysticking” parent or coach—calling out a continuous stream of instructions to the players on the field. “Pass it! Stay wide! Shoot! Get back!” The player glances over nervously. Instead of reacting to the game, they freeze, unsure of their next move because every decision is being dictated. Their goal shifts from playing the game to avoiding mistakes. In the process, they become passive, waiting for instru

In the second year of my MBA program, I applied for a coveted position with the U.S. federal government. After months of rigorous preparation and sacrifices, including missing out on time with family and friends, I faced a full-day interview in Washington, DC. Despite my best efforts, I wasn’t offered the job. The rejection made me wonder: Did I not work hard enough? Such doubts point to the hard work fallacy—a deeply held belief that effort = success. Of course, a variety of

A team of coworkers was working on a tight deadline to complete an important project. One team member, Kim, consistently seemed to be causing delays. The other team members were starting to get frustrated with her and quickly concluded that she was not doing her fair share of the work. However, rather than immediately getting angry or confrontational, the team leader decided to approach the situation with the assumption of good intentions. She pulled Kim aside and asked if ev

When we face difficult situations, it is common to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or anxious. In these moments, we sometimes lose control of our emotions. One key to relationship success is recognizing when we are struggling and taking steps to get back on track. The problem is that once our emotions kick in, it’s not always easy to manage and express emotions in a way that is appropriate. The ability to regulate emotions is a critical interpersonal skill, and it's especially

How often do you find yourself getting frustrated because of someone else's behavior? We can easily fall into the trap of thinking that other people's actions are a direct reflection of how they feel about us or how they perceive us. The reality, however, is that most people are just going about their own lives and dealing with their own problems and issues. Most of the time, other people's behavior has nothing to do with us. Let's consider some examples and what might really

Many communication challenges are not about what we say but how quickly we say it. This post explores how emotion labeling can help professionals slow the moment between feeling and responding so their message reflects intention rather than impulse.

As I coach high achievers that are in the process of finding their professional identities, I’ve observed that some believe they need to...

Early in my career, I didn’t give much thought to when I spoke up in department meetings. I contributed when I had something to say and stayed quiet when I didn’t. Then I started finding myself in meetings with higher-level decision makers. The stakes were different, the airtime was limited, and I realized the way I contributed needed to adjust. I mentioned that observation with a mentor, and he shared three questions I’ve been using ever since: Before you speak, ask yourself

For most of my life my default response when a new opportunity has been presented to me has been yes . That approach has served me well. Saying yes has allowed me to learn about myself, develop new skills, and meet interesting people. But more recently I’ve found benefit in exercising caution before committing to new opportunities. Before taking on a new commitment, consider whether you are really excited about it, and if you decide you aren't, then say no . However, being

When I was in fifth grade, I often came home after school and watched DuckTales, an animated television show produced by Disney. In one episode, a flashback shows Scrooge McDuck preparing to leave Scotland for America. Before he departs, his father tells him, “Remember to work smarter, not harder.” Later in America, McDuck ends up in a riverboat race where his job is to shovel coal into the furnace to keep the paddle wheel in motion. Tired of the backbreaking work, he remembe

Early in my career I sometimes felt like I was reacting to events throughout the workday. The direction of my day could easily be altered by an interruption from a colleague stopping by my office or an email that someone else thought was urgent. As a result, I found myself working longer hours to accomplish what needed to get done. Then I found and began using Stephen Covey’s time management matrix from his best selling book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. As depict

My career choice gives me the opportunity to speak in front of a wide variety of audiences from students to executives. After all these...

One of the best things a parent can do for a child is help them develop the ability to make decisions. This sometimes involves close council when stakes are high and other times it involves letting the child learn from making decisions on their own - for better or worse. My parents taught me a lot about decision making, and I have taken a greater interest in the topic since having children of my own. When I am faced with a decision in my own life I often hear my mother’s voic

We experience various levels of tension every day, stemming from personal challenges, work pressures, relationship dynamics, and global events. These tensions are common thread in the human experience, ultimately shaping shaping our responses to the world around us. However, we don't like tension and prefer to resolve it as fast as possible. Pema Chödrön, an American Tibetan Buddhist, writes, “When we feel powerful energy [tension], we tend to be extremely uncomfortable until

“What quality should we continue to develop as we transition from college to our careers?” This question was posed to me a couple years ago by my undergraduate teaching assistants as we celebrated the end of a great semester and their upcoming graduation. Before I tell you what I said, what would you say? Think about it before you scroll past the image below. Now, if you had to pick from the following list, which of the following qualities would you say is most important? Cri

When I was in college I read a book titled, “Write It Down, Make It Happen.” The book prompted me to begin writing down my goals, and I...

When I meet someone for the first time and they find out I teach management communication courses, one of the most frequent comments I...

The people and ideas we surround ourselves with have implications for everyone at all stages of our personal and professional lives.