Some people become more confident and decisive when they step into leadership roles. Others become louder, less receptive, and harder to reach. Over time, I’ve noticed how power can subtly reshape how people lead and not always for the better.

From the sidelines of a weekend soccer game, you can often hear the “joysticking” parent or coach—calling out a continuous stream of instructions to the players on the field. “Pass it! Stay wide! Shoot! Get back!” The player glances over nervously. Instead of reacting to the game, they freeze, unsure of their next move because every decision is being dictated. Their goal shifts from playing the game to avoiding mistakes. In the process, they become passive, waiting for instru

Two seeds were buried side by side in a field. The seeds—Amara and Brio—lay dormant, dreaming of the sky. One day, a gentle rain whispered promises of growth. Amara felt the call of the world above and thought, “It may be time to sprout. But what if the sun is too harsh, or the rain too scarce? What if I emerge too soon?” Fearful, Amara decided to wait. Beside Amara, Brio also heard the rain’s song. Excited, Brio thought, “What wonders await above! Yes, there might be storms

In the second year of my MBA program, I applied for a coveted position with the U.S. federal government. After months of rigorous preparation and sacrifices, including missing out on time with family and friends, I faced a full-day interview in Washington, DC. Despite my best efforts, I wasn’t offered the job. The rejection made me wonder: Did I not work hard enough? Such doubts point to the hard work fallacy—a deeply held belief that effort = success. Of course, a variety of

Every semester, when course evaluations are released, I feel a mix of anticipation and curiosity. I genuinely enjoy reading them. It is meaningful to see how students describe their experience and what they took away from the course. Those comments remind me why I am an educator. And then something predictable happens. I can read 20 positive comments and feel encouraged by them. But one critical comment will often stick with me far longer than the rest. For a long time, I tho

Open and honest questions create space for people to think, feel, and make sense of their own experience. I learned the value of this approach at home before I ever applied it in a professional setting. For many years, when my wife started to describe a problem, my instinct was to solve it. My attention focused on diagnosing the issue and responding with suggestions, based on the belief that helping meant offering answers. Over time, I realized that much of the time my wife w

Earlier in my career, I worked with someone who responded to feedback with silence. After I finished sharing my thoughts, there was no visible reaction. No nod. No follow-up question. No verbal acknowledgment. We would simply move on. Over time, I noticed how my mind began assigning meaning to that silence. I had a judgment: This feedback clearly is not valued. I formed an opinion: This person probably does not want coaching at all. I even thoughts to myself: Do you want this

Most employees prefer to receive fair and accurate constructive feedback from their managers, and employees who do receive regular feedback that is delivered appropriately perform better. However, most managers avoid giving constructive feedback and when they do give feedback they don’t do it well. Too many managers have not been trained to give performance feedback. In fact, if you have been trained, it’s likely you’ve received bad advice. For example, common advice is to us

A few semesters ago, a confident young man sat in the first row of my introductory management communication course. He was a valuable contributor to the class and, like most of my students, he was a motivated high-achiever. However, when it came time to deliver his first graded presentation, he froze. He appeared anxious from the start: the way he walked to the front of the room, his body language as he held index cards in his hands, and the uncertainty in his voice when he b

I took up golf in my early twenties. My step-father purchased a set of clubs for me, took me to his favorite course, and gave me a few...

Most of us don’t enjoy receiving negative feedback; it can threaten our identity. We all have stories we tell ourselves about who we are....