Some people become more confident and decisive when they step into leadership roles. Others become louder, less receptive, and harder to reach. Over time, I’ve noticed how power can subtly reshape how people lead and not always for the better.

A hotel general manager gathers their team to address a pressing issue—a sudden drop in guest satisfaction scores. The GM sets the stage,...

Whether I’m working with new leaders or those who have decades of experience, I’ve noticed one challenge that comes up again and again:...

From the sidelines of a weekend soccer game, you can often hear the “joysticking” parent or coach—calling out a continuous stream of instructions to the players on the field. “Pass it! Stay wide! Shoot! Get back!” The player glances over nervously. Instead of reacting to the game, they freeze, unsure of their next move because every decision is being dictated. Their goal shifts from playing the game to avoiding mistakes. In the process, they become passive, waiting for instru

Two seeds were buried side by side in a field. The seeds—Amara and Brio—lay dormant, dreaming of the sky. One day, a gentle rain whispered promises of growth. Amara felt the call of the world above and thought, “It may be time to sprout. But what if the sun is too harsh, or the rain too scarce? What if I emerge too soon?” Fearful, Amara decided to wait. Beside Amara, Brio also heard the rain’s song. Excited, Brio thought, “What wonders await above! Yes, there might be storms

An agreement is communication that establishes expectations between two or more parties. Most agreements share foundational principles...

As leaders we want individuals on our teams to succeed and as parents we want our children to succeed. When Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, was asked about the similarities between leadership and parenting, he suggested tough love is a critical skill in both contexts. I’ve recreated Grant’s “Tough Love Matrix of Leadership and Parenting” below. Tough love combines two essential elements: caring deeply and setting high expectations

Shortly after I arrived as a new faculty member at the Hotel School at Cornell University, I was welcomed by Giuseppe Pezzotti, a legendary faculty member known for his warm hospitality. He stopped by my office with a thoughtful gesture: he shared a copy of The Billionaire Who Wasn’t: How Chuck Feeney Made and Gave Away a Fortune Without Anyone Knowing  with me. This book not only introduced me to the remarkable story of Chuck Feeney but also offered lessons on philanthropy t

I learned to be a manager while I was learning to be a teacher. After graduating from university, I had a job that involved managing others. And, at the same time, I began teaching part-time as an adjunct professor. During this time I observed many parallels between the two professions. In the classroom, I learned that if I clearly communicated my expectations to students, gave them the resources they needed, and checked in with them along the way, most of them would enjoy my

When I was young, I learned that when we were planning for guests to visit, we needed to clean the house. I had to tidy my stuffed animals and put my Legos away. The living room needed vacuuming and the countertops needed to be clear. That’s how I understood hospitality at the time. A little later, I began to notice another version of hospitality when we visited my grandparents. My grandmother was usually in the kitchen, preparing food. She focused on what she was making, how

Imagine two professionals on the same team. Both are smart. Both care about doing good work. The first is highly competent. Their work is accurate, efficient, and technically strong. They meet expectations consistently, but spend little time building relationships beyond what is required to get tasks done. The second is also competent. Not exceptional at everything, but solid and reliable. In addition to doing the work, this individual invests time in relationships. They prio

When I was in college, I watched the TV series The West Wing . Characters would get into intense, sometimes heated disagreements about high-stakes issues. Voices were raised. They’d argue over fundamental principles. And then, often in the very next scene, those same people would work together civilly, almost as if nothing relational had been damaged. At the time, I was skeptical. I wondered whether that kind of behavior actually happened in real workplaces, or whether it was

Leadership is enacted through communication. When it comes to speaking, leaders have many opportunities to influence others from high-stakes strategy presentations to ceremonial remarks at internal functions and public events. Authentic leaders convince audiences to care and are better able to accomplish their goals. Boardroom presentations matter, but they only account for a small portion of a leader’s communication. Informal interactions during small meetings and ceremonial

While I was completing my MBA, I was also working for someone who taught me an important lesson about leadership and communication. During the orientation process, my supervisor reviewed with me a prepared list of her expectations. One of the categories she reviewed was communication. She shared how she liked to work with her employees, how often we would have one-on-one meetings, and how to decide whether a topic required face-to-face communication, a phone call, or an email

Think of an interaction that has gone well for both you and the person you were communicating with. Now think of an interaction that didn’t go as well as you would have liked. In the first interaction, you were likely communicating from above the line. In the second, you were likely communicating from below the line. When we communicate from above the line, we are open to new ideas, we ask questions, and we are committed to growth and learning. Conversely, when we communicate

My work provides me the opportunity to interact with a large number of highly motivated people who are eager to put their skills to use. Most are excellent individual contributors, but when it comes to managing others many of them struggle to know how to delegate. The will/skill matrix is a helpful framework when leading a team or managing others. The two dimensions of “will” and “skill” can help you understand which tasks are appropriate for delegation. “Will” speaks to an i

Most employees prefer to receive fair and accurate constructive feedback from their managers, and employees who do receive regular feedback that is delivered appropriately perform better. However, most managers avoid giving constructive feedback and when they do give feedback they don’t do it well. Too many managers have not been trained to give performance feedback. In fact, if you have been trained, it’s likely you’ve received bad advice. For example, common advice is to us

We are problem solvers, so when faced with a workplace issue, we are wired to focus on solutions. However, research suggests people are...

With so many issues vying for your attention, having a way to think about how you spend your time and energy is essential. I’m sharing the following story about how I have come to understand the issue of homelessness with the hope that it will give you a new lens with which to see problems in your own life. While participating in a leadership development program over a decade ago, I had the opportunity to tour a homeless shelter and help make breakfast for 40 men. During the

The uncertainty brought on by difficult experiences triggers fear in our brains. From an evolutionary perspective, this has helped our species survive. However, in modern times, the fear can lead to anxiety, panic, and poor decision making. Leading in difficult times requires leaders to have high self-awareness, regulate their emotions, and monitor their reactions. A leader’s behavior in these high-stakes situations can determine the fate of their organization. When others ar