Observation: The Skill of Noticing What People Care About

A few years ago, I watched two colleagues respond very differently to the same decision in a meeting.

The leader had just announced that a new initiative would need a volunteer to coordinate the work across departments.

One colleague immediately said, “I’d be happy to lead it if that helps.”

The other asked: “How much flexibility would there be in how the work gets done?”

Each person seemed to care about something different. The first colleague may have been motivated by power, the desire to lead and influence the work. The second may have valued independence, the freedom to do the work his own way. 

Interactions like this offer clues about what drives people.

A Useful Lens for Observation

Psychologist Steven Reiss proposed that people are motivated by 16 basic desires, including power, curiosity, order, acceptance, and others. These desires are not equally strong for everyone. Each person tends to have their own motivational profile. 

The framework can be a useful tool for understanding others. When you pay attention to what people emphasize in conversation, you may begin to notice patterns in what seems to be important to them.

Motivation Often Surfaces in Communication

Motivations frequently surface through everyday communication behaviors.

You may notice clues in:

• the topics people return to in conversation

• the questions they ask

• the decisions they support or resist

• the aspects of a plan they focus on first

Taken together, those signals can help you form working hypotheses about what someone values.

Below is a simplified way to think about what some of these motivations might sound like or look like in conversation.

Observing Possible Signals of the 16 Basic Desires

Desire	What Someone Might Say	What You Might Observe
Power	“I’d like to take the lead on this project.”	Volunteers for leadership roles, expresses opinions confidently, seeks influence in decisions
Independence	“I prefer to handle this my own way.”	Values autonomy, resists micromanagement, prefers flexibility in how work gets done
Curiosity	“Why does that approach work?”	Asks analytical questions, enjoys exploring ideas, digs into details or explanations
Acceptance	“Do you think the team is comfortable with this?”	Sensitive to feedback, attentive to group reactions, seeks reassurance
Order	“Can we clarify the process for this?”	Focuses on structure, timelines, organization, and clear expectations
Saving	“Let’s hold onto that in case we need it later.”	Preserves resources, keeps records, tracks materials or information carefully
Honor	“What’s the right thing to do here?”	Emphasizes responsibility, duty, and keeping commitments
Idealism	“How does this affect the broader community?”	Raises ethical or social considerations, cares about fairness and impact
Social Contact	“Maybe we should talk this through together.”	Seeks conversation, builds relationships, enjoys collaborative discussions
Family	“I try to keep evenings free for my family.”	References family commitments, prioritizes family-related responsibilities
Status	“Senior leadership will probably want visibility on this.”	Attentive to titles, recognition, or organizational hierarchy
Vengeance	"If they cut our budget, we shouldn't let it slide."	Pushes back when treated unfairly, wants accountability, remembers slights
Romance	“I enjoy working closely with people I connect with.”	Values personal connection and emotional closeness
Eating	“Let’s continue this over lunch.”	Uses food as a social connector, organizes conversations around meals
Physical Activity	“I think better when I’m moving.”	Suggests walking meetings or active breaks
Tranquility	“I’d rather address this before it becomes stressful.”	Sensitive to tension or risk, tries to reduce uncertainty or conflict

These patterns can help you form working hypotheses worth testing.

Use Observation to Improve Your Communication 

Observation is a skill, and like any skill, it gets more useful when you put it to work. As you notice what people seem to care about, you can: 

• Prepare for conversations more thoughtfully. If someone often emphasizes structure and clarity, they may value order, so you might enter the meeting with a clear agenda and timeline. 

• Understand reactions more quickly. When a proposal receives unexpected resistance, the response may reflect a deeper concern about independence, idealism, or tranquility rather than the proposal itself. 

• Frame messages in ways that connect. A colleague who values status may respond well to knowing who else is involved and how the work will be recognized. Someone who values social contact may prefer to talk an idea through together before committing to it. 

• Ask better questions. Observation can guide curiosity. If someone seems motivated by acceptance, you might ask, "What concerns you most about this approach?" If they value independence, you might ask, "What would make this work better from your perspective?" 

With each conversation, those questions help you learn what people care about. 

A Word of Caution

Motivations are complex, and observable behavior rarely points to a single explanation. A person who asks detailed questions may value curiosity, or they may simply be preparing for risk. For that reason, the framework works best when you treat it as a hypothesis generator rather than a label. Keep your observations open. Once you are sure you've figured someone out, you stop paying attention.

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Good communicators listen carefully to what people say. They also pay attention to what people seem to care about. The next time you're in a meeting, notice where each person’s attention goes and the questions they ask. You won't always read it right, but you’ll start to see what drives the people around you, and that should change how you talk with them. 

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Reiss, S. (2004). Who am I? The 16 basic desires that motivate our actions and define our personalities. New York: Berkley Books.