Whether I’m working with new leaders or those who have decades of experience, I’ve noticed one challenge that comes up again and again:...

Two seeds were buried side by side in a field. The seeds—Amara and Brio—lay dormant, dreaming of the sky. One day, a gentle rain whispered promises of growth. Amara felt the call of the world above and thought, “It may be time to sprout. But what if the sun is too harsh, or the rain too scarce? What if I emerge too soon?” Fearful, Amara decided to wait. Beside Amara, Brio also heard the rain’s song. Excited, Brio thought, “What wonders await above! Yes, there might be storms

During my junior year of college, I wanted to explore a possible career in the wealth management field. When I was offered an internship at the first place I applied, I quickly accepted the position without giving the details of the role much thought. However, within the first few days, I realized I had made a poor decision. I thought I would be learning about investment strategies and sitting in on client meetings, but I spent almost all of my time leading the effort to move

A team of coworkers was working on a tight deadline to complete an important project. One team member, Kim, consistently seemed to be...

Open and honest questions create space for people to think, feel, and make sense of their own experience. I learned the value of this approach at home before I ever applied it in a professional setting. For many years, when my wife started to describe a problem, my instinct was to solve it. My attention focused on diagnosing the issue and responding with suggestions, based on the belief that helping meant offering answers. Over time, I realized that much of the time my wife w

Earlier in my career, I worked with someone who responded to feedback with silence. After I finished sharing my thoughts, there was no visible reaction. No nod. No follow-up question. No verbal acknowledgment. We would simply move on. Over time, I noticed how my mind began assigning meaning to that silence. I had a judgment: This feedback clearly is not valued. I formed an opinion: This person probably does not want coaching at all. I even thoughts to myself: Do you want this

A couple years ago I was at an outdoor gathering with a large group of friends and acquaintances. I was standing alone near the door of a pavilion watching my children play in the distance when a friendly woman who I had met a few times walked up and said, “I know you don’t like small talk, but isn’t it a beautiful day?” It was a beautiful day, but I was struck most by what came before her question. She reminded me that I had once told her I struggle with small talk. I do str

Two years ago I organized and facilitated a series of small focus groups in New York City with alumni from the Cornell SC Johnson College...

A job interview is a bit like a first date. Prior to most first dates, you often have some communication. For example, if you met online, you’ve seen a photo of the person, read a little about them, and perhaps exchanged some information via text or email. Now, imagine two different first dates. Date A : This person makes a connection between something you shared in your profile and something relevant to your conversation. They ask you a question related to something they saw

Students and executives arrive in my classes and workshops with a desire to improve their communication skills. Without exception...

When given the opportunity to present our ideas, we all want to perform well, and most of us have heard public speaking advice that...

In the last few years more students than ever have asked me some version of the following question: “How do I ask good questions?” They...

What do parents and hostage negotiators have in common? It turns out they both use many of the same communication strategies. That was my...

When I was a kid I liked eating out at restaurants that included a placemat I could draw on while we waited for our food. My favorite...